Possibly the Most Awkward Thing

You know the dreams where you’ve lost something essential and you wake up in a cold sweat? How about the ones where you are in a public place and you suddenly realize you are vastly underdressed? Maybe you’ve had a nightmare that takes place in school or involves interaction with fellow students or current teachers. And if you dream at all, you’ve definitely woken up at some point and realized how truly illogical “dream logic can be.

With that in mind, the following is a completely real, non-dream-created series of events.

On Saturday, the swim team held Captain’s Day, a fun event (can’t spoil the surprise for future freshmen!) that begins at 5:00 outside of Uni and ends at 6:15-ish, place unknown. This blog post doesn’t actually talk about Captain’s Day. The post covers some events the day before.

On Friday, there was a U of I football game. The ARC (swim practice pool/big ole gym) is quite near Memorial Stadium. You would know this if you had a grasp of campus geography, unlike me. The previous day, the swim team’s coach and captains had warned us that we should plan pickup from practice – the street outside of the ARC is so crazy there are literal policemen there. My mom thought I should make sure to charge my phone. But on Thursday night, because I forgot and then I was tired and really didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t charge my phone. This was a bad choice. Charging my phone would have completely averted the series of events I am about to describe.

But lying in bed at 11:30 PM, I was oblivious to my fate. No problem, I thought. I’ll charge it at school, I thought.

I woke up and my phone was completely dead, to the point where it was turned off and the screen backlight wouldn’t even try to start up. Come on, screen. Gotta give a HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT! My phone flashed its little light three times, which I think is Morse code for “haha nope”. (Ok guys the period isn’t in the quotes because it’s not part of the imaginary utterance of my phone. I read about this on Stack Exchange and some British dude called American quotes “illogical quoting”. [yes, I did it again.]) 

During Uni Period and seventh hour I charged my phone on a ledge by the windowsill in 218. Then I forgot about its existence and left for an 8^th hour study hall. Remarkably, I took care of all of my necessary 8^th hour procrastination on my computer! Not once did I attempt to find my phone. The bell rang and I got on the bus to go to the ARC. At the ARC, in the pool room, I looked in my backpack and couldn’t find my phone. So I desperately used the buggy google version of Find My iPhone… and it didn’t work, because I never actually turned my phone on. I was sure that my phone was at Uni, even though the last ping in the History was from noon-ish. To arrange transportation I emailed my mom. She (thankfully) replied with a street corner where she’d pick me up.

Then Raneem asked for a ride to Uni after practice. She was going to a sophomore movie night thing. I assented, of course. Who makes a teammate walk two miles after dark during a football game? 

So when practice got out I realized it would be a little bit of a hike to get to 1^st and Stadium, but I also didn’t want to change. The obvious solution was to toss on my wool socks and shoes, but not put on pants or a shirt. I was walking around campus trying to find my mom in a one-piece swimsuit, a towel, two backpacks, a lunch bag, a water bottle, (patterned) socks, and solid shoes. She wasn’t at 1^st and Stadium where she said she’d be because there was a literal roadblock. So I had to ask some random frat dudes who volunteered to direct traffic where the intersection actually was. When I still couldn’t find my mom I borrowed Raneem’s phone (thank god I was with someone, that would have been horrible if I was alone) and called her. My mom was a block away at 2^nd and Gregory. 

At long last I found my mother. Raneem and I piled into the car and took off for Uni. But my troubles weren’t over! In fact, they were about to begin. While we were driving my mom asked why my phone was dead, and I had to tell her that it was fully charged, but I had left it in school. By the time we got to Uni, my mom had unfortunately realized that Captain’s day was on Saturday. We… didn’t really know when it would end, and she was a little panicked about that. So sending me into the abyss of captain’s day without so much as a PHONE? UNACCEPTABLE!

There was only one solution.

After prodding from my mother, I finally got out and went to the door (with wet, chlorinated hair, wearing a swimsuit, a towel, wool socks, and lace-up shoes). Maybe the school would be closed! But no. A student (I really don’t know who) ushered Raneem in and glanced confusedly at me. He opened the door tentatively and I stepped inside, hoping my post-practice hair could maybe disguise my identity. My luck was much, much worse than that. After walking a couple times past the Room Full of Sophomores I found a teacher willing to let me into 218, albeit grudgingly. That teacher was Mr. Lauthen. Anyone in Latin (really anyone who has interacted with him) knows the sort of befuddled expression he gets when he doesn't know what a question is asking. That was his expression the entire time. Most awkward thing EVER. I profusely apologized, and instead of saying “It’s fine” he kind of shrugged like “yeah this is a pain in the ass”. 

Fortunately, my phone was indeed in 218! I got it and I hightailed it out of Uni and out of the nightmarish situation into which I had blundered.